Friday, September 20, 2013

Apples and Oranges

When you read one of the thousands of articles in fashion magazines titled, "What is the Best Party Dress for Your Body Type", the body types they give you consist of fruits, vegetables and variations of sensitive synonyms for fat (FYI no one wants to be called an apple).

WELL LO AND BEHOLD! A new era for curvey women has begun! Refinery29 did a piece on "Cute Skirts That Flatter Your Body Type" yesterday, and the first type was (drumroll please):
 Now as you may or may not know, I have a *slight* obsession with Botticelli (my college essay was about seeing his work in the Uffizi for the first time. Whaddup Wash U, thanks for liking it!!), and this was a body type I could get behind. Heck, YES I'll compare myself to Venus. It's like a mini-compliment I'm forced to pay myself. Who wouldn't want to claim those bodacious curves, amiright?

Unfortunately, the following body type lingo R29 chose is "carrot." Carrot. Why would you EVER call a human being a carrot?? No one even genuinely likes carrots, they just happen to be a convenient high-nutrient, low-calorie snack. My thoughts go out to those of you with broad shoulders and skinny legs (sort of). 

So future body-type writers, next time you decide to write a piece on how women should dress their bodies, take a page out of an art history book (might I recommend "History of Art" by H W Jansen) and refer to women as a Modigliani Mistress (long and lean), Klimt Cutie (pear-shaped), Degas Diva (athletic) or a Rubens Rebel (apple). 

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