Monday, September 16, 2013

How to Lose Money and Make Friends

I would just like to point out that some of Nathan Pyle's "NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette" can also be extremely useful in other places. Such as, say, wandering South Congress in Austin. Take this one, for example:


While in town for SXSW last spring, I had the unfortunate luck of being vampired by a Green Peace representative. "Vampired" is a term I just came up, but I think it's fairly accurate to describe the way they sink their teeth into your skin and suck your blood.

I was flanked by two of my North Easterner friends who walked right past him. But my Southern blood is weak and susceptible to solicitation, and I had no choice but to stop and listen to him describe the sad fate of Bengal tigers.

Now don't get me wrong, Bengal tigers are beautiful creatures that deserve to thrive on this planet and Green Peace is a highly respectable organization. But COME ON. Don't you think if I wanted to spend $25 a month saving the planet I would already be doing it?? Of course, now I'm a terrible person for saying that because $25 is, like, three coffees at Starbucks. Well, guess what? I don't go to Starbucks.

 Needless to say, I didn't know how to say "no", so I signed up, thinking, "Ha! I'll just unsign-up when I get home, sucker." But I can't figure out how. I've searched their website so often, it was on my Top Sites homepage for weeks. Consequently, I've been leaking $25 a month to these guys.  Your grandchildren can thank me. And their pets, too. (By 2040, I'm hoping that we will have domesticated tigers.)

Anyway, then I moved to NYC and was approached by more of their drones. No wait, "approached" is the wrong word. I was yelled at from across the street in Soho, "Hey, you look like a hippie! Sign up for Green Peace!" That was the second time that day I had been called a hippie (I wasn't even wearing anything weird!) and I was in no mood to save the polar bears because I was hungry and it was hot. I politely told him I was already signed up, and he grilled me on the details of whereabouts I sold my soul to the devil. Apparently, he has friends in Austin. Cool, bro. Now let me sweat through all of my clothing in peace.

After living here for three months, I thought I had finally perfected my New York City Indifference, but last week I had a thirty minute conversation in Union Square with a man trying to sign me up for a hair salon -__-  Apparently, his girlfriend recently visited Austin and is now convinced it's the new Mecca. Good story, bro. Now let me eat my Chloe's soft serve fruit in peace.

So hey, maybe I'm a sucker and maybe my friends will continue to make fun of me for contributing $300 a year to Green Peace (ahem Richard), but at least I'm making personal connections on a-day-to-day basis, and how many New Yorkers can say that, huh?
(BONUS: If my parents ever sell our house in Austin, I'll have a plethora of semi-mutual friends I can stay with when I go home!)


Also, this illustrated tip by Pyle. EVERYDAY without fail I witness this on the subway. And EVERYDAY I want to yell at these people, "YOU CAN HAVE THEIR SPOT IF YOU LET THEM OUT." Morons.

NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette via Selina

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